Tag: Worthy

Change…

Change.

I don’t like change.

I don’t like the not knowing part of change.

Yes, I know life is all about change, and that change is good, and everything is constantly changing

Still…

I don’t like change.

And yet – Ever since I stepped into this Hawaiian air – I could feel change.

I know I’m here to learn something.

To feel something.

To release something.

To take responsibility for something.

To hear something.

To accept something.

To receive something.

To trust something.

To believe something.

To welcome something.

To begin something.

To be something.

Until next time…

XOXO

It’s On Me…

Vacations are not always about having fun. Sometimes along with the fun, we find ourselves dealing with things we have purposely placed in the back of our mind and heart because the pain of dealing with any of it is too much to bear.

This is one of those vacations for me.

The shores of the Hawaiian Island of Oahu seemed to know I was coming, and was prepared to show me beauty, the likes of which I have never seen, but the price for all of that splendor, was me breaking down in tears.  It was in those moments of vulnerability, I knew I was here, on this Island, to have my come to Jesus moments with things I have been carrying with me for 3.5 years.

It was terrifying and exciting at the same time.  

I won’t share the depths of my baggage, because it’s mine – but I will speak of the importance of dealing with grief and heartbreak and betrayal and not allowing it to weigh you down and prevent you from living the life you have to live.

We don’t all get a happy ending. Sometimes things just end. What I now understand is that it’s not about the ending – it’s about how I pick up my pieces and carry on. Is it how I envisioned my life to be? No – it is not. But – it is the life I now have.

I thought I was doing good, and in some respects I know I am. But there are so many tentacles to grief. So many facets that if placed aside, they only fester and grow.

These shores and mist covered mountains of Oahu have touched a part of me that’s been stuck.  A part of me I haven’t had the courage to face.

Until now.

I have spent too much time feeling guilty for things over which I had no control. These things that weighed me down and kept me stuck in a life of regrets in what I perceived as broken promises.

I have placed my anger on others and expected that to anger to outweigh my guilt.

Yeah, that’s not how it works. That’s what has kept me weighed down and broken inside.

The truth is this:

 it’s on me to let the guilt go.

It’s on me to set my heart straight.

It’s on me to forgive myself.

It’s on me to focus on the things that I am responsible for changing.

It’s on me.

It’s all on me.

 

Mahalo, Oahu.

Until Next Time…

 

 

The Grass Isn’t Greener…

Last night I was reminded of something very important.

   “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.  It’s greener where YOU water it.”

Sometimes it’s hard to remember that we don’t need to have what everyone else has to fill up our lives. I mean – all the commercials, all the ads, all the pop-ups – they are constant reminders of what it is we need.

 My question is this:  If we get any of those things – would we be any happier than we are without them?

The whole thing about watering our own grass…

It’s not about being arrogant or self-serving.

It’s about finding our own way and knowing what we need to sustain our lives in the ways that make us happy and fulfilled and content and peaceful.

It’s on each of us to bring those people who lift us up and believe in who we are and challenge us to be more than we even knew we could be into our lives.

It’s about taking those things and those people and nurturing – watering – them. Watching them grow, watching yourself grow because of them. 

The truth is – if you look on the “other side” – you will sometimes see those who appear to have everything – and, in all reality, have nothing.  New cars, big new houses, money, the latest fashions… 

These things – they don’t hug you or love you or dry your tears or encourage you or guide you or hold your hand or smile at you or walk with you or just sit quietly with you.

We are all worthy of a life filled with joy and love and peace and comfort – however – we must do the work. You must be willing to give these things in return, honestly and without expecting anything in return. You do them, and you give them because you know who you are, and you know what it means to tend your own grass.

When people walk all over your beautiful grass and have no respect for who you are and what you believe – well, it’s okay to put up the “Stay Off The Grass” sign.

Life is so very short. 

Live yours with grace and love and take the time to linger in the beautiful grass you’ve watered and nurtured and embrace those who journey through the grass with you.

Until Next Time

XOXO