Tag: sorrow

Be A Better Human

New Years resolutions are not my thing. It’s just this never-ending battle about what I should do to be better, then starting on that path, then a month later I feel bad about myself for failing once again I mean – what is the point?

What I’ve discovered is that you can change anything in your life on any day of the year.

Any month.

Any week.

Any day.

Any hour.

Any minute.

Any second.

You get my drift.

It’s a matter of deciding that you want to be a better human.

We all get caught up in the minutia of our own lives. It’s human nature. Our purpose though, is to rise above our own state of mind and try and help those who are living a life we can’t even imagine.

It’s not all that hard.

Donate clothes you no longer wear to a homeless shelter.

Donate canned goods to a food bank.

Open a door for someone.

Look people in the eye and talk to them

Don’t judge

Be humble

Smile

If you’re one of those people who complain about how awful the world is and you blame the Republicans or the Democrats or whoever you believe is doing you wrong, and you spend your time tweeting your anger, or making tic-toc videos and spewing your anger on Facebook, and you do absolutely nothing to help anyone…

Just stop.

It’s not all about you.

Is life fair? – No

We all make mistakes, we all suffer, we all grieve, we all stumble, we all say things we can’t take back, we all love, we have all lost someone we loved. Having money doesn’t make you a better person. Nor does your house, your car or your clothes, etc… No one person is better than another.

If you want to make a change this year…

Be a better human.

And So It Goes…

It’s been awhile since I’ve sat with myself and thought about what it was I wanted to do with my life.

Everything is so different- I am so different.

What I believed was important 3 years ago has become a book I forced myself to close knowing full well my survival was dependent on my strength to start a new book.

A book without Susan.

My book.

The loss of a life-partner, your soulmate can most certainly change you. It changes everything.

I realized this past year that I no longer wanted to be that sad, bitter, angry soul blaming the world for my being alone.

The thing is – I finally realized that I wasn’t alone. The world was out there waiting for me. Once I got over feeling sorry for myself, I made the changes I needed to make, I did the work on cleaning up the mess that was my life- and I started the new book.

Has it been easy? Not at all.

Do I miss what used to be? I miss my life with Susan. I miss her laugh and the feel of her hands on my face and the love in her eyes.

But – I’m still here for a reason and it’s my job to find that reason. To find my purpose and fulfill whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing. I’m pretty clear on what that purpose is for right now, but I know all too well that life changes fast and we must learn to change with it or we’ll be left bogged down in what can never be again.

I’m not alone in my grief, nor am I alone in my recovery. There is much sadness in the world, but hope – it springs eternal!

And so it goes.

A New Year to find our purpose.

To put a smile on someone’s face. To listen and learn. To laugh and cry. To love and learn. To forgive and move on. To find faith and carry on with grace. To not judge and simply accept. To help and let others help you. To not be angry or bitter and carry on with the work. To find peace and give comfort…

Until Next Time…

The Messy Bits

There were many times the past two years when I felt that things around me were spinning in many different directions all at one time – It always gives me the image of someone trying to keep way too many plates in the air. The truth is – most of what’s spinning is spinning because I’m giving it space in my head and my heart

Life isn’t always fair, nor is it always kind.

Sometimes, the hard times come, and they stay long past their due date. They wreak havoc and bring about anger and bitterness and seeking revenge seems to be a part of every thought that goes through my little brain.

Messy Bits…

It’s like when you’re growing up and your parents tell you some crazy story about relatives that we no longer associate with for reasons they don’t remember other than that’s how it’s always been. Long ago angers and hurts that carry on from generation to generation for unknown reasons. The only thing you know is that you can’t be the one to break the cycle. It would be some sort of stain on your family name.

You all know what I’m speaking of.

The – this is how it’s always been logic.

Messy bits.

It takes courage to break a cycle of disfunction, especially when it’s your family, your friends, your life.
There’s much to lose.

Then again, there’s much to gain by breaking free of all of it.

We are told these stories growing up that your family is the only thing that matters, but sometimes, it’s our families that break us.

They break us when we don’t conform to these standards that are placed on us as children – when we don’t fit into the place in the family that was set aside for us, when we don’t live the life that was expected of us. When we question decisions that are made for us. When we realize that nothing – absolutely nothing is as it seems.

It’s only when we understand that a foundation of secrets and lies, and guilt and grudges and phobias and expectations has allowed us to sink into following along instead of taking charge and living our own life.

Messy Bits.

What I have discovered is that it’s never too late to start over. To find the courage to say no and walk away from the messy bits that make you feel less-than and undeserving and trapped and drowning in a life that isn’t your own.

Yes, Life is indeed the messy bits, but we don’t need to live there, or wallow there or believe that all that exists in this world are the messy bits.

Break the cycle

Find the courage

You deserve the good bits

The happy bits

The joyful bits.

Until Next Time
XOXO

What Are Your Intentions?

My pastor laid down this challenge two weeks ago.  She told us to ask ourselves this question: “What is my intention for my one beautiful life?”  and to set our expectations so that when we emerge from this darkness, we are stronger, wiser, better.

There were religious implications regarding water and baptism in her sermon that resonated with me, but what I’m writing about can be understood by those of any faith or those who have no faith or no religion.

This is about you and your one beautiful life.

“What are your intentions for your one beautiful life?”

I was sitting by a serene lake last week trying to discover if indeed I even had any intentions, when I heard the call of a Belted Kingfisher.  I immediately started looking up in the trees for this beautiful bird.  Their call is loud and unmistakable, and I knew it was close by. 

A woman who was sitting nearby asked me what I was looking for.  I explained the whole Belted Kingfisher in the trees thing to her and asked her if she had heard the call of this beautiful bird.  She looked at me and said: “I didn’t hear anything.”  I looked at her and said again: “You didn’t hear that call?”  And she said: “Honestly, I haven’t heard anything since I sat down.”

She was sitting in this beautiful spot by a Lake. There were ducks quacking and birds singing. The wind was blowing in the trees, the water was lapping on the shore – and she heard nothing.

It was in that moment I knew what my intentions were. 

  • To listen more intently
  • To see more clearly
  • To be present in all things
  • To share what I know to be true
  • To be open to new things
  • To not be afraid
  • To be a force for good

Okay, I know I may fall short on these intentions, and I may not practice them constantly, but I’m certainly going to give it a go.

There’s enough anger and divisiveness in the world right now without me piling on and joining that parade. And, that sort of thinking only makes me more angry and more unhappy and more bitter about everything.

I know how it feels to lose that anchor in your life, to lose that one love that was ever present. I know how it feels to be adrift and lonely and angry and bitter.  I didn’t choose any of those things, but I certainly did wallow in them for a long period of time.

I allowed myself to be pulled into the abyss.

I went to the dark side.

Life is different now.

I’m different now.

My intentions are different now.

So, tell me, my friends:

“What are your intentions for your one beautiful life?

Until Next Time

XOXO

Welcome to Until Next Time

I’ve been blogging for years. But, as I was reading over posts from years ago, I’ve realized how very much I have changed. Maybe it’s not so much that I’ve changed, but that life has changed me.

I lost my partner of 38 years to Covid19 in April of 2020. Life as I knew it ended, and at 68 I found myself starting over.

This new blog – this is what has come from the journey of these two years from April 2020, until now – January 2022.

This journey has been filled with tears and anger and sorrow and fear and regrets and wishes and dreams and what-ifs and should-haves and just who I am I now?

The Covid Pandemic was in its infancy when Susan passed in April of 2020. I sat alone in the home she and I shared surrounded by all of our things in a state of disbelief. I was numb and found myself sitting on the living room floor holding her urn unsure of anything and living on pancakes and ice cream.

It wasn’t pretty.

But – the journey has also been filled with old friends who were patient and stood strong and listened and loved and listened some more. They were most certainly my lifeline filling me with hope and courage and keeping me from losing my soul. And then came, and continue to come, new friends. People I never knew existed, but there they were – and there they are – with open hearts cheering me on.

Old friends and new friends – showing me the way out.

It is from all of these things, and all of these people – the good, the bad, the new, the old, those that stayed, those that left – it’s from all of this that we learn and grow and find the strength and courage to move on to what comes next.

Because – something always come next.

Thanks for being here.

Until Next Time

XOXO