Tag: lies

Believing…

You know sometimes when you read a book, and some of the words just stay with you.  They haunt you until you can no longer ignore reading them again and again until you either learn what it is you’re supposed to learn, or you realize that you may never understand, but you know in your heart they have changed you.

The  last paragraph in Mitch Albom’s book: “The Stranger in the Lifeboat” has been haunting me for months.

     ”In the end, there is the sea and the land and the news that happens between them. To spread that news we tell each other stories. Sometimes the stories are about survival. And sometimes those stories, like the presence of the Lord, are hard to believe. Unless believing is what makes them true.”

Mitch Albom’s books always touch me. But this – this has stayed with me.  Always there – always lingering.  It’s like a puzzle I’m working on, but I can’t finish it because some of the pieces are missing.

I was sitting in the very back row of my church last week filling the acolyte’s candle lighters for Sunday morning worship, when something made me stop and these words were in my head …”and sometimes, those stories, like the presence of the Lord, are hard to believe. Unless believing is what makes them true.”    

“Unless believing is what makes them true.”

So – if you don’t believe in the presence of the Lord, you aren’t going to believe in anything associated with the Lord. You aren’t going to believe in the power of prayer or miracles, or mercy or grace.  You’re going to say you don’t believe in anything, and yet – you do believe there is nothing to believe in.

It’s not about the presence of the Lord…

And these stories we tell one another to spread the news – it’s all about what we believe that makes them true.  It’s not about the stories – it’s about us – you and I. It’s about who we are and what it is we believe.  Tell the same story – word for word – on MSNBC and FOX – and what you will get are two completely different opinions on what the story was about.  

It’s not about the story…

It’s about good versus evil and what each of us believe to be good or evil.

It’s about the human condition and what each one of us believes needs to be done for the common good.

 It’s about  – do you really believe “and liberty and justice for all” or are you only interested in liberty and justice for what you believe?

It’s not about the presence of God.

It’s not about the stories.

It’s about you.

And it’s about me.

And what it is we believe.

In the end, there is the sea and the land and the news that happens between them. To spread that news we tell each other stories. Sometimes the stories are about survival. And sometimes those stories, like the presence of the Lord, are hard to believe. Unless believing is what makes them true.”

Until Next Time

XOXO

It’s On Me…

Vacations are not always about having fun. Sometimes along with the fun, we find ourselves dealing with things we have purposely placed in the back of our mind and heart because the pain of dealing with any of it is too much to bear.

This is one of those vacations for me.

The shores of the Hawaiian Island of Oahu seemed to know I was coming, and was prepared to show me beauty, the likes of which I have never seen, but the price for all of that splendor, was me breaking down in tears.  It was in those moments of vulnerability, I knew I was here, on this Island, to have my come to Jesus moments with things I have been carrying with me for 3.5 years.

It was terrifying and exciting at the same time.  

I won’t share the depths of my baggage, because it’s mine – but I will speak of the importance of dealing with grief and heartbreak and betrayal and not allowing it to weigh you down and prevent you from living the life you have to live.

We don’t all get a happy ending. Sometimes things just end. What I now understand is that it’s not about the ending – it’s about how I pick up my pieces and carry on. Is it how I envisioned my life to be? No – it is not. But – it is the life I now have.

I thought I was doing good, and in some respects I know I am. But there are so many tentacles to grief. So many facets that if placed aside, they only fester and grow.

These shores and mist covered mountains of Oahu have touched a part of me that’s been stuck.  A part of me I haven’t had the courage to face.

Until now.

I have spent too much time feeling guilty for things over which I had no control. These things that weighed me down and kept me stuck in a life of regrets in what I perceived as broken promises.

I have placed my anger on others and expected that to anger to outweigh my guilt.

Yeah, that’s not how it works. That’s what has kept me weighed down and broken inside.

The truth is this:

 it’s on me to let the guilt go.

It’s on me to set my heart straight.

It’s on me to forgive myself.

It’s on me to focus on the things that I am responsible for changing.

It’s on me.

It’s all on me.

 

Mahalo, Oahu.

Until Next Time…

 

 

The Messy Bits

There were many times the past two years when I felt that things around me were spinning in many different directions all at one time – It always gives me the image of someone trying to keep way too many plates in the air. The truth is – most of what’s spinning is spinning because I’m giving it space in my head and my heart

Life isn’t always fair, nor is it always kind.

Sometimes, the hard times come, and they stay long past their due date. They wreak havoc and bring about anger and bitterness and seeking revenge seems to be a part of every thought that goes through my little brain.

Messy Bits…

It’s like when you’re growing up and your parents tell you some crazy story about relatives that we no longer associate with for reasons they don’t remember other than that’s how it’s always been. Long ago angers and hurts that carry on from generation to generation for unknown reasons. The only thing you know is that you can’t be the one to break the cycle. It would be some sort of stain on your family name.

You all know what I’m speaking of.

The – this is how it’s always been logic.

Messy bits.

It takes courage to break a cycle of disfunction, especially when it’s your family, your friends, your life.
There’s much to lose.

Then again, there’s much to gain by breaking free of all of it.

We are told these stories growing up that your family is the only thing that matters, but sometimes, it’s our families that break us.

They break us when we don’t conform to these standards that are placed on us as children – when we don’t fit into the place in the family that was set aside for us, when we don’t live the life that was expected of us. When we question decisions that are made for us. When we realize that nothing – absolutely nothing is as it seems.

It’s only when we understand that a foundation of secrets and lies, and guilt and grudges and phobias and expectations has allowed us to sink into following along instead of taking charge and living our own life.

Messy Bits.

What I have discovered is that it’s never too late to start over. To find the courage to say no and walk away from the messy bits that make you feel less-than and undeserving and trapped and drowning in a life that isn’t your own.

Yes, Life is indeed the messy bits, but we don’t need to live there, or wallow there or believe that all that exists in this world are the messy bits.

Break the cycle

Find the courage

You deserve the good bits

The happy bits

The joyful bits.

Until Next Time
XOXO