Category: Worthy

Family Traditions – They’re Not Always Good

Our lives are made up of moments.  Some bring unfiltered happiness; some bring us to our knees, and some change our lives forever. It’s in all these moments that we change and grow with what we have learned, or we stay stuck in the muck and become bitter and unforgiving and cast blame on those who we believe have brought us this misery.

It’s not easy to look in a mirror and understand that you are the one in control. You are the one who gets to decide where you go, what you do, who you want to be and who it is you want in your circle.

I stopped drinking in September of last year. A decision I made on my own because I knew it was time, and I also knew I needed to be the one to end my family’s tradition of destruction that reaches back generations.

I wasn’t out of control, I wasn’t drinking every day, but – I knew I could become both of those things very easily. I knew because I had done it before.  

You stop at a bar, you have a drink, then another. Pretty soon the bartender knows your drink and has it waiting for you when you walk in. It’s easy, it’s familiar, it’s helps ease the pain of whatever is gnawing at your soul.

But, we all know, it doesn’t ease anything. 

In doing a little family genealogy, I noticed that more than a few died from cirrhosis of the liver.  My family drinks, some socially, some to excess, but they drink. It has ruined more than one life, and abuse seems to be part and parcel of the drinking.  These genes are passed from generation to generation. I’m predisposed to alcohol because it’s a “family” gene. It’s just a part of who I am. I’m not blaming them for my behavior, I’m just saying – it’s a part of me.

It was these things and so much more that made me say – enough. I won’t be them. I won’t follow that family tradition. I won’t allow it to control me. I will be the one to end this wretched part of my family’s history.

Do I miss the drinking and the bars?   I do not.

The moments I now have in my life are not clouded with anything.  They’re not always good, but they are the moments which define who I am now, and what I have chosen my life to be.  

Not all family traditions are good.  Not all the genes we inherited are meant to be lived as our ancestors lived them. 

Sometimes we take what we’ve been given, and we make our own way. I’d like to think my Great Grandma Phoebe is proud of me for not sitting on our collective barstool anymore. God rest her soul…

Until Next Time.

XOXO

The Aloha Spirit

Some vacations are really no vacations at all. We go with expectations and find ourselves disappointed when we realize that where we went is really nothing at all like we wanted it to be. We wonder why we ever thought we should travel there, and nothing, absolutely nothing, is right about anything. The flight sucked, the hotel was simply wrong, the food involved things one would never order, the weather was too hot or too cold. It was raining or snowing or just dreary. 

I am pretty convinced now this disappointment had nothing to do with the destination – it was all about what we wanted, what we expected, what we thought we deserved. 

Such self-absorbed people we can be. 

Me, Me, Me… 

Last week I had a magical, mystical vacation on the Hawaiian Island of Oahu. I went with no expectation other than spending a week with my boy. What I came home with was a new lease on life. A new attitude.  A new resolve. 

This is what I learned from my boy, the magical, mystical Island, and the people who live there; 

  • It is not all about me.  
  • It is about forgiveness – for yourself and for others. 
  • Things do not matter.  
  • People matter.  
  • Love matters.  
  • Kindness matters. 
  • Compassion matters. 
  • Words matter 
  • Wherever you are in your life – celebrate it. 
  • Watch sunsets wherever you are – as often as you can and bring a picnic with you. 
  • Do the things that bring you joy. 
  • Be with people who value you. 
  • Slow down – it will all get done. 
  • Embrace the moments, even the smallest things are a gift. 
  • Do not settle. Ever. 
  • It is not on us to change people. We can accept them for who they are and love them where they are – or we can bless them and let them go. It is not for us to try and change them. 

Aloha is not just a word used for tourists. The Aloha Spirit is a real thing. It embraces peace, compassion, affection, and friendship. The people who live their lives in this Paradise have much to teach those of us who live here on the mainland.  

It is not perfect – no place is – but it is different, and its beauty is not just in the mountains or the stunning waters that surround it. The beauty lies in the people of all cultures who have made this island their home. It is not just white people who think they have some sort of power because of their whiteness – it was all colors sitting on the beach celebrating the setting of the sun. 

This adventure renewed me in ways I did not know I needed to be renewed. My boy knew, and the Island of Oahu knew. 

For all their love… 

I am forever grateful 

Until next time 

XOXO 

And So It Goes…

It’s been awhile since I’ve sat with myself and thought about what it was I wanted to do with my life.

Everything is so different- I am so different.

What I believed was important 3 years ago has become a book I forced myself to close knowing full well my survival was dependent on my strength to start a new book.

A book without Susan.

My book.

The loss of a life-partner, your soulmate can most certainly change you. It changes everything.

I realized this past year that I no longer wanted to be that sad, bitter, angry soul blaming the world for my being alone.

The thing is – I finally realized that I wasn’t alone. The world was out there waiting for me. Once I got over feeling sorry for myself, I made the changes I needed to make, I did the work on cleaning up the mess that was my life- and I started the new book.

Has it been easy? Not at all.

Do I miss what used to be? I miss my life with Susan. I miss her laugh and the feel of her hands on my face and the love in her eyes.

But – I’m still here for a reason and it’s my job to find that reason. To find my purpose and fulfill whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing. I’m pretty clear on what that purpose is for right now, but I know all too well that life changes fast and we must learn to change with it or we’ll be left bogged down in what can never be again.

I’m not alone in my grief, nor am I alone in my recovery. There is much sadness in the world, but hope – it springs eternal!

And so it goes.

A New Year to find our purpose.

To put a smile on someone’s face. To listen and learn. To laugh and cry. To love and learn. To forgive and move on. To find faith and carry on with grace. To not judge and simply accept. To help and let others help you. To not be angry or bitter and carry on with the work. To find peace and give comfort…

Until Next Time…

The Grass Isn’t Greener…

Last night I was reminded of something very important.

   “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.  It’s greener where YOU water it.”

Sometimes it’s hard to remember that we don’t need to have what everyone else has to fill up our lives. I mean – all the commercials, all the ads, all the pop-ups – they are constant reminders of what it is we need.

 My question is this:  If we get any of those things – would we be any happier than we are without them?

The whole thing about watering our own grass…

It’s not about being arrogant or self-serving.

It’s about finding our own way and knowing what we need to sustain our lives in the ways that make us happy and fulfilled and content and peaceful.

It’s on each of us to bring those people who lift us up and believe in who we are and challenge us to be more than we even knew we could be into our lives.

It’s about taking those things and those people and nurturing – watering – them. Watching them grow, watching yourself grow because of them. 

The truth is – if you look on the “other side” – you will sometimes see those who appear to have everything – and, in all reality, have nothing.  New cars, big new houses, money, the latest fashions… 

These things – they don’t hug you or love you or dry your tears or encourage you or guide you or hold your hand or smile at you or walk with you or just sit quietly with you.

We are all worthy of a life filled with joy and love and peace and comfort – however – we must do the work. You must be willing to give these things in return, honestly and without expecting anything in return. You do them, and you give them because you know who you are, and you know what it means to tend your own grass.

When people walk all over your beautiful grass and have no respect for who you are and what you believe – well, it’s okay to put up the “Stay Off The Grass” sign.

Life is so very short. 

Live yours with grace and love and take the time to linger in the beautiful grass you’ve watered and nurtured and embrace those who journey through the grass with you.

Until Next Time

XOXO