Category: Human Beings

Family Traditions – They’re Not Always Good

Our lives are made up of moments.  Some bring unfiltered happiness; some bring us to our knees, and some change our lives forever. It’s in all these moments that we change and grow with what we have learned, or we stay stuck in the muck and become bitter and unforgiving and cast blame on those who we believe have brought us this misery.

It’s not easy to look in a mirror and understand that you are the one in control. You are the one who gets to decide where you go, what you do, who you want to be and who it is you want in your circle.

I stopped drinking in September of last year. A decision I made on my own because I knew it was time, and I also knew I needed to be the one to end my family’s tradition of destruction that reaches back generations.

I wasn’t out of control, I wasn’t drinking every day, but – I knew I could become both of those things very easily. I knew because I had done it before.  

You stop at a bar, you have a drink, then another. Pretty soon the bartender knows your drink and has it waiting for you when you walk in. It’s easy, it’s familiar, it’s helps ease the pain of whatever is gnawing at your soul.

But, we all know, it doesn’t ease anything. 

In doing a little family genealogy, I noticed that more than a few died from cirrhosis of the liver.  My family drinks, some socially, some to excess, but they drink. It has ruined more than one life, and abuse seems to be part and parcel of the drinking.  These genes are passed from generation to generation. I’m predisposed to alcohol because it’s a “family” gene. It’s just a part of who I am. I’m not blaming them for my behavior, I’m just saying – it’s a part of me.

It was these things and so much more that made me say – enough. I won’t be them. I won’t follow that family tradition. I won’t allow it to control me. I will be the one to end this wretched part of my family’s history.

Do I miss the drinking and the bars?   I do not.

The moments I now have in my life are not clouded with anything.  They’re not always good, but they are the moments which define who I am now, and what I have chosen my life to be.  

Not all family traditions are good.  Not all the genes we inherited are meant to be lived as our ancestors lived them. 

Sometimes we take what we’ve been given, and we make our own way. I’d like to think my Great Grandma Phoebe is proud of me for not sitting on our collective barstool anymore. God rest her soul…

Until Next Time.

XOXO

Believing…

You know sometimes when you read a book, and some of the words just stay with you.  They haunt you until you can no longer ignore reading them again and again until you either learn what it is you’re supposed to learn, or you realize that you may never understand, but you know in your heart they have changed you.

The  last paragraph in Mitch Albom’s book: “The Stranger in the Lifeboat” has been haunting me for months.

     ”In the end, there is the sea and the land and the news that happens between them. To spread that news we tell each other stories. Sometimes the stories are about survival. And sometimes those stories, like the presence of the Lord, are hard to believe. Unless believing is what makes them true.”

Mitch Albom’s books always touch me. But this – this has stayed with me.  Always there – always lingering.  It’s like a puzzle I’m working on, but I can’t finish it because some of the pieces are missing.

I was sitting in the very back row of my church last week filling the acolyte’s candle lighters for Sunday morning worship, when something made me stop and these words were in my head …”and sometimes, those stories, like the presence of the Lord, are hard to believe. Unless believing is what makes them true.”    

“Unless believing is what makes them true.”

So – if you don’t believe in the presence of the Lord, you aren’t going to believe in anything associated with the Lord. You aren’t going to believe in the power of prayer or miracles, or mercy or grace.  You’re going to say you don’t believe in anything, and yet – you do believe there is nothing to believe in.

It’s not about the presence of the Lord…

And these stories we tell one another to spread the news – it’s all about what we believe that makes them true.  It’s not about the stories – it’s about us – you and I. It’s about who we are and what it is we believe.  Tell the same story – word for word – on MSNBC and FOX – and what you will get are two completely different opinions on what the story was about.  

It’s not about the story…

It’s about good versus evil and what each of us believe to be good or evil.

It’s about the human condition and what each one of us believes needs to be done for the common good.

 It’s about  – do you really believe “and liberty and justice for all” or are you only interested in liberty and justice for what you believe?

It’s not about the presence of God.

It’s not about the stories.

It’s about you.

And it’s about me.

And what it is we believe.

In the end, there is the sea and the land and the news that happens between them. To spread that news we tell each other stories. Sometimes the stories are about survival. And sometimes those stories, like the presence of the Lord, are hard to believe. Unless believing is what makes them true.”

Until Next Time

XOXO

The Aloha Spirit

Some vacations are really no vacations at all. We go with expectations and find ourselves disappointed when we realize that where we went is really nothing at all like we wanted it to be. We wonder why we ever thought we should travel there, and nothing, absolutely nothing, is right about anything. The flight sucked, the hotel was simply wrong, the food involved things one would never order, the weather was too hot or too cold. It was raining or snowing or just dreary. 

I am pretty convinced now this disappointment had nothing to do with the destination – it was all about what we wanted, what we expected, what we thought we deserved. 

Such self-absorbed people we can be. 

Me, Me, Me… 

Last week I had a magical, mystical vacation on the Hawaiian Island of Oahu. I went with no expectation other than spending a week with my boy. What I came home with was a new lease on life. A new attitude.  A new resolve. 

This is what I learned from my boy, the magical, mystical Island, and the people who live there; 

  • It is not all about me.  
  • It is about forgiveness – for yourself and for others. 
  • Things do not matter.  
  • People matter.  
  • Love matters.  
  • Kindness matters. 
  • Compassion matters. 
  • Words matter 
  • Wherever you are in your life – celebrate it. 
  • Watch sunsets wherever you are – as often as you can and bring a picnic with you. 
  • Do the things that bring you joy. 
  • Be with people who value you. 
  • Slow down – it will all get done. 
  • Embrace the moments, even the smallest things are a gift. 
  • Do not settle. Ever. 
  • It is not on us to change people. We can accept them for who they are and love them where they are – or we can bless them and let them go. It is not for us to try and change them. 

Aloha is not just a word used for tourists. The Aloha Spirit is a real thing. It embraces peace, compassion, affection, and friendship. The people who live their lives in this Paradise have much to teach those of us who live here on the mainland.  

It is not perfect – no place is – but it is different, and its beauty is not just in the mountains or the stunning waters that surround it. The beauty lies in the people of all cultures who have made this island their home. It is not just white people who think they have some sort of power because of their whiteness – it was all colors sitting on the beach celebrating the setting of the sun. 

This adventure renewed me in ways I did not know I needed to be renewed. My boy knew, and the Island of Oahu knew. 

For all their love… 

I am forever grateful 

Until next time 

XOXO 

Be A Better Human

New Years resolutions are not my thing. It’s just this never-ending battle about what I should do to be better, then starting on that path, then a month later I feel bad about myself for failing once again I mean – what is the point?

What I’ve discovered is that you can change anything in your life on any day of the year.

Any month.

Any week.

Any day.

Any hour.

Any minute.

Any second.

You get my drift.

It’s a matter of deciding that you want to be a better human.

We all get caught up in the minutia of our own lives. It’s human nature. Our purpose though, is to rise above our own state of mind and try and help those who are living a life we can’t even imagine.

It’s not all that hard.

Donate clothes you no longer wear to a homeless shelter.

Donate canned goods to a food bank.

Open a door for someone.

Look people in the eye and talk to them

Don’t judge

Be humble

Smile

If you’re one of those people who complain about how awful the world is and you blame the Republicans or the Democrats or whoever you believe is doing you wrong, and you spend your time tweeting your anger, or making tic-toc videos and spewing your anger on Facebook, and you do absolutely nothing to help anyone…

Just stop.

It’s not all about you.

Is life fair? – No

We all make mistakes, we all suffer, we all grieve, we all stumble, we all say things we can’t take back, we all love, we have all lost someone we loved. Having money doesn’t make you a better person. Nor does your house, your car or your clothes, etc… No one person is better than another.

If you want to make a change this year…

Be a better human.